Letting Yourself Be Loved

I’ve been doing a lot of inner work the past few weeks. I’ve spent so much time focusing on my physical health I sometimes forget my mental health needs my attention too. I’ve worked in the past on taking breaks and learning to apply self care but the past weeks I’ve really dug deep into what that means. Taking quiet time to watch a new TV show and throwing in a relaxing bath or two a week has certainly lessened my stress, but it hasn’t increased my own self love.

Facing my cystic fibrosis truth

Over the past few months, I’ve come face to face with aspects of myself I’ve ignored. I’ve let people treat me poorly on numerous occasions. I’ve talked down to myself almost as much. Most confusing to me is why I chose for so long to hide my cystic fibrosis from everyone. I realized it was like I was running on a treadmill away from my cystic fibrosis. No matter how much I ran, I was still exactly where I was.

Through many deep conversations with my best friend and many quiet moments alone in my room I started to realize I was simple trying to avoid any of my parts that were not in my mind… “enough”. In doing so I was causing myself more grief because I was blocking away a part of who I am. I wasn’t accepting myself, so how could others?

How do I love me?

How could I really love myself if I was hiding pieces of me? So, I started on a journey to really figure out who I am and why I do the things I do. Why have I avoided wonderful opportunities because I feared exposing myself entirely? Why have I allowed mistreatment I knew I did not deserve?

In coming to understand the “why” behind my actions, I started to understand the “how” to overcoming them. It wasn’t a pretty process. Letting down my wall and exposing my pieces was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Yet, in doing so I discovered parts of myself I’d hidden away. I discovered how much love I have in my life once I put down the wall that was keeping everyone at a distance. I started to believe their voices that were telling me I was enough - just as I am.

This is me

I’m releasing my own expectations of who I felt I should be, and embracing exactly who I am. In doing so, I discovered quite a lot about myself. I discovered I don’t have to run away from intimacy or hide behind who I think they want me to be. I discovered it’s okay to love who I am. It’s okay to allow others to also.

It’s okay to not have all the answers or to not be the image you wanted to be. It’s okay to lay down the weight of trying to be everything. At the end of the day, all the “imperfections” don’t make you less lovable, even if someone else tried to convince you they did. Cystic fibrosis doesn’t change that. Nothing has the power to make you unworthy of the kind of love that provides you safety, respect, happiness, and peace.

You deserve to let yourself be loved exactly as you are… Perfectly imperfect.