What It's Like Dating With Cystic Fibrosis

Dating when you have cystic fibrosis (CF) can be a lot of things. It can be hard, frustrating, tiresome, and overwhelming. But it can also be fun, exciting, and a learning experience for both you and your date.

There are so many articles about how to date better or how to improve your dating skills. But sadly, those are often aimed at people who do not have a chronic illness. More specifically, they are not written for people who have cystic fibrosis. What are some good tips if you, or the person you are dating, has cystic fibrosis? How do you navigate this together while respecting their right to process information?

Some good tips

Like I said earlier, there are so many articles that provide tips on how to date. The articles can range from what to talk about to where to go to and what to do. But what are tips for people who have a chronic illness? And how can we apply those to those with cystic fibrosis?

Lainie from Trend|Able has offered 4 great tips on dating when you have a chronic illness:¹

1. Be real, not revealing.
2. Be proactive, not reactive.
3. Keep it simple and sweet.
4. Don’t assume and never settle.

Be real, not revealing

There are no rules for how to date when you have a chronic illness. This applies to dating when you have CF. Be yourself and talk about topics that truly interest you. And be open to disagreeing on topics. That is the beauty of conversation and discussion!

Also, it is okay if you aren’t comfortable talking about CF on your first date. Most people don’t show all their cards, so to speak, when they first meet someone. Lainie, from Trend|Able mentions that she often doesn’t talk about her invisible illness before or during the first or second date.¹

Be proactive, not reactive

Once you have been texting someone for a while, they may decide that they want to meet up with you. Let the first date preparations begin! Part of preparing for the first date is choosing where to go. If they ask for suggestions, make sure to provide some places that are easy for you to navigate.

For example, cystic fibrosis can sometimes make you short of breath. Suggesting a place that is on the ground level or has an elevator can help you feel more comfortable on the date. Also, make sure that the place you’re going either doesn’t allow smoking or has a non-smoking section.

Keep it simple and sweet

Try not to stress about the perfect time to tell your date about your cystic fibrosis. Like I mentioned in my previous article, when I was dating, I wanted to tell them as soon as possible. Along with that, I wanted it to come up organically. Over sharing while having sushi and sake wasn’t my idea of a good date! For example, what if a date is amazing and neither of want it to end?

One way to bring up cystic fibrosis while extending the date would look something like, “Yes! I’d love to grab a coffee to end our date, but I need to be home by ____ to do a treatment.” This could lead to a quick conversation about CF. And then you can move on to another subject. It is short, sweet, and to the point, but doesn’t overwhelm either of you.

Don’t assume and never settle

Try not to be self-critical and remember that not everyone will get along. And try not to make assumptions about people. To meet someone amazing, you must put yourself out there. Remember to give people a chance, but also remember that you are worth getting to know. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t respect you and how you live life with CF.

Dating is a chance to share a moment in time with someone

Dating is hard. And dating when you have cystic fibrosis is even harder. There isn’t a guidebook on how to date when you have CF and sometimes it can make you feel like you’re a fish out of water.

Remember that dating is an opportunity to get to know someone better. This date is a chance for you to meet someone new. They may or may not be the person you end up with. But you can use this opportunity to get to know someone and share a moment in time with them.

Dating with CF doesn’t have to be scary and overwhelming. It can be a fun and exciting time as you learn more about each other. Remember to be honest and respectful of each other and know that it is okay if it doesn’t work out. As Danielle Steel wrote, “There is a lid for every pot…you just have to find yours.”