Owning My Trikafta Weight Gain
When I began taking Trikafta at the end of last year, I saw the scale do something I have never seen before--continually increase. Within seven days of starting this new medication, I gained ten whole pounds.
Prior to Trikafta, gaining ten pounds would have been an unthinkable, frustrating, and difficult experience of adding extra calories to every meal, forcing myself to eat when full, and constantly worrying if I ate enough throughout the day. Then I would hop on the scale to see no movement of the number staring back at me. The effort and stress of gaining weight was consuming and I was about a phone call away from a feeding tube placement.
Finally gaining weight with Trikafta
After eight months of taking Trikafta, I have gained a total of fifteen healthy pounds. Currently, I weigh the most I have ever weighed in my adult life (minus being pregnant).
The extra weight has made me physically more healthy, but has tested my beliefs towards beauty and self-confidence. Having to relearn the details and appearance of my new body in a conscious way, it has led me to ponder why society thinks the sickly and emaciated version of my body is more desirable than the body I see in the mirror, currently.
Questioning thin culture
“I would give anything to be a tiny girl like you.”- A friend
I remember my friend saying this to me a few years ago and the weight of her words knocking me over like a ton of bricks. She wished to be thin and fragile. She wished her body to look like someone’s who was fighting off disease and destruction every day. She wanted her ribs to stick out and her figure to be that of a 5th-grade boy. She wanted it to be easier.
I was sad when I realized that society has ingrained in us the belief that our bodies are only beautiful if they look like they are barely surviving. How very untrue that is. Yet, somehow we all buy into the lie, no matter if we are 99 lbs or 200 lbs.
While I’ll never deny there are certain perks to eating what you want and not worrying about gaining undesired weight, being chronically thin isn’t all that it seems. It comes with its own frustration and heartache, just as being overweight does. However I have learned it’s more favorable in others' eyes, and often easier to be thin, and I hated that I bought into that reality in my own subconscious.
Owning my weight gain from Trikafta
Now my butt jiggles as I walk up a flight of stairs, and I have what looks like cellulite on my thighs (I had to ask my dear sister what it was)--both novel experiences that have threatened my confidence after gaining weight.
In the larger realm, these things shouldn’t matter at all; yet they do. They mean absolutely nothing when I think about how long I fought for a few extra pounds. But as a woman, I know they impact us more than we care to admit. Why is it that I had to consciously remind myself weight gain was a positive thing for my sick body?
Months later, I don’t hear that inner annoying voice anymore warning me that body fat is alarming or that jiggle is unflattering. I am healthier. My body is no longer screaming for extra nourishment or being depleted of nutrients and energy. It’s finally being satisfied and, you know what, it feels amazing. I'll never buy into that lie ever, ever again.
Have you gained weight with Trikafta? How has it affected the way you feel about your body? Share your experience in the comments below!
PARENTS: Do you have a hard time finding snacks that your little CFer will eat?
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